BUTTON MUSHROOMS - BINGO.
BLACK PUDDING - SNAP.

ALAN, WE UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE NERVOUS.

I'VE ALREADY DONE SOMETHING FOR THEM.
I DID AN AFTER-DINNER WITH BILL ODDIE.

- SLEEPING IN MOTELS.
- JUST GOING INTO A SHOP AND BUYING A GUN.

SO A BETTER TITLE WOULD BE "SCUM ON THE RUN".

YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND GUILTY OF...

- I'LL BUY A PACKET OF MINTS.
- GREAT.

ON THE LINE, WE HAVE, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN
ROY FROM CAISTER ST EDMUND. HELLO.

LET'S ALL SING IT.
# TELL YOU WHAT, TELL YOU WHAT

UNLESS I'M REPRIMANDING THEM,

BROUGHT TO YOU BY GINSTER'S PASTIES,

L WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU THINK YOU EARN
THE RIGHT TO GO SWANNING OFF ON THESE LUDICROUS...

DID YOU TAKE THESE ON A TELEPHOTO LENS?

AND THE POT-SMOKING,
WHORE-RIDDEN WATERWAYS OF AMSTERDAM.

THE ACCOUNTANTS SAY THAT SINCE YOU'VE
DEFINITELY NOT GOT A SECOND SERIES FROM THE BBC,

I'VE GOT MY TICKET. SHAKE MY HAND!

LISTEN, JUST TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP, YOU KNOW
WHEN YOU MAKE THOSE SORT OF RISQUE COMMENTS,

HELLO, IT'S ALAN AGAIN. I'VE LOCKED YOU ALL
IN THE BOARDROOM SO YOU DON'T GET ME.