WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
SHOOT FROM YOUR HIP - YOUR NEW HIP.

YOU SAY TOM-AR-TO, I SAY TOM-AY-TO.

- HE SAID "GOOD MORNING" WITH HIS BACK TO ME.
- HE'S OK.

HELLO.

YES, INDEED. MY NAME'S DAVE CLIFTON,
AND THERE GOES ALAN PARTRIDGE -

- OH! TALK OF THE DEVIL!
- MORNING, MR PARTRIDGE.

YOURS HAD HAIRS AT THE BASE
AND A DOTTED LINE EMANATING FROM THE CROWN.

CHAMPION!

RIGHT. I'VE GOT YOUR BOOK SIGNING AT 12 O'CLOCK

OH, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF.
WHERE'S MY SHOTGUN? CLICK, CLICK.

HE MEANS HIS COCK!

INDEED, THE LINES ARE OPEN
IF YOU WANT TO COMMENT

TO LOOK AT YOU, YOU'D THINK
YOU'D SING LIKE AN ANGEL,

HELLO AGAIN. OH, WHAT'S THAT?

MY LANDLADY IS TELLING ME THAT THE GIRL MUST GO

YOU MUST HAVE PRESSED
THE BUTTON THAT SAYS "YES".

THIS IS THE KORAN
FOR THE AFTER-DINNER SPEAKER.

THE WOMAN WITH THE OLD TADGER...